If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
