i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
