This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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