We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
