And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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