I bet he comes in French.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
