this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Someone came in the potted fern
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
