i may or may not be watching the land before time
It's like God shit irony all over that family
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
