Im at strip club and am horny
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Randomize
