Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
