well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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