i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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