In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
