I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Boobs are out for the taking
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
