found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
