Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
