This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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