Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
