...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
