Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
