I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Do vagina's smell?
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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