i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Just cropdusted the office
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
