She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
