last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
