get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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