We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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