I have demons in me.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
