I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
