Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
