I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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