Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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