if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
