Can Purell be used as lube?
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
