That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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