Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
