Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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