he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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