I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Randomize
