New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
