Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
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