so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Randomize
