Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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