So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
