jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
