also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
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