He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
