before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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