My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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