his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
