lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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