I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
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