cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
