Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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