Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
It's just like the Real World with babies
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
